I’ve never really fit in well with women and throughout my life I’ve only had two “girlfriends”. I never felt like I was missing out or saw myself as some sort of gender freak. However, as a middle aged woman with grown children, my lack of female companions becomes more noticeable.
I don’t meet up with my buddies for lunch or to go shopping. I don’t chat on the phone. I am not a member of any neighborhood organization charged with arranging games or block parties. Not only do I have no gossip about my neighbors, I don’t even know their names. Mind you, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I like it like this. In fact, I may have subconsciously designed it like this.
Socially there are no two people I’d rather hang out with than my own two daughters. Movies, shopping, vacationing, playing cards, eating or just chilling – absolutely no one comes close to my preference for my daughters. Not even their dad, whom by the way I specifically avoid involving in the above mentioned activities.
But I do have a best friend. Just not the conventional model. I have the very best friend anyone could ever wish for. My best friend loves me unconditionally, has never passed judgment on any of my actions {including those in the 70’s}, never makes me self conscious about my weight, my clothes, my hair or even my family. Seriously, how many people can say this about their best friend?
As a small child building forts with blankets over furniture, coloring with chalk rock, floating the lake in tire inner tubes, telling spooky stories, riding bikes/horses or checking out the State Fair unsupervised; I never knew how this relationship would develop. How could I have ever imagined.
I never knew in my 50’s I would still be just excited for a Monday to roll around as I once was for a weekend.
I look forward to Mondays sometimes because I am need of a good belly laugh, sometimes because I can’t wait to vent about whatever injustice I may have endured over the weekend, other times just to repeat “children related” stories. Whatever the reason, I’ve never been disappointed, never been turned away and always found a loving listener.
So maybe my best friend never calls me for a shopping outing or invites me over to tan – but he loves me, always and forever and I am more blessed than most.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
FOURTH OF JULY
I love July 4th. I love everything about it! In fact, it is one of my absolute favorite holidays. First off, it is in the summer, so clothing is minimal. Shorts, bathing suit, jeans, tee shirts – whatever – anything is acceptable. Secondly, the food associated with July 4th does not take days to prepare and require a degree in Home Economics. No one gets special attention for their secret dressing recipe. Come on! It’s hamburgers, hot dogs and ice cream. I can slice tomatoes just as well as the next guy. Finally, there’s no mess followed by a long nap.
The only thing that takes longer than cooking the Thanksgiving / Christmas meals is washing the dishes afterwards. Not on the 4th of July – throw those patties and wienies on the grill – toss them over to a paper plate and you’re done! No need for a nap either, you’re not tired, you really haven’t done anything. So let’s go jump in the lake and float around on an air raft or go tubing or something other than nap!
This year we are adding a “moon walk / bounce house” to our celebration along with the Slip-N-Slide and Piñata. Then we will finish off the day-long affair with about $400 in fireworks for the kids. I can’t wait. All I need is a grandchild to make it a perfect holiday.
The only thing that takes longer than cooking the Thanksgiving / Christmas meals is washing the dishes afterwards. Not on the 4th of July – throw those patties and wienies on the grill – toss them over to a paper plate and you’re done! No need for a nap either, you’re not tired, you really haven’t done anything. So let’s go jump in the lake and float around on an air raft or go tubing or something other than nap!
This year we are adding a “moon walk / bounce house” to our celebration along with the Slip-N-Slide and Piñata. Then we will finish off the day-long affair with about $400 in fireworks for the kids. I can’t wait. All I need is a grandchild to make it a perfect holiday.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Best For All Concerned
I have been an “Aunt” since the 3rd grade. Most the kids in my class thought I made up the title as according to them I was not old enough to be an Aunt. But I was, and the arrival of my niece was the single most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me up to that point.
When my niece was born in 1966 my brother and his wife were advised to place her in permanent custodial care with the State. The experts agreed doing so would be best for all concerned. Fortunately, her parents rejected the advice and took her home. Indeed, the first few years of her life were rough, consisting of surgeries, evaluations and lots of uncertainties. But she was a fighter and she came here with a purpose, on a mission and always attached to God.
Who knew what a blessing and gift she would be to our family? The lives she has inspired, the lives she has changed and the lives she has saved. Who knew? How could anyone in 1966 know what the future of our family would be or the role she would eventually play?
Admittedly, growing up listening to someone in constant and audible conversation with God, really makes an impression on you. Even more so when it appears she stops talking long enough to listen to an answer. Hmmmm. She has had a profound influence on my life as well as the lives of my children.
She was supposed to be a burden on everyone associated with her care. Supposedly she would never really contribute to or connect with the family. It would be better for all concerned if she weren’t here. What audacity!
Not only did God have a plan for her, he has given her the physical health and strength to carry out that plan. Perhaps God knew she would provide years of companionship for her Grandmother living alone as a widow. Perhaps God knew her challenges would teach many of us patience, tolerance and acceptance of others. Perhaps only God truly knew what was actually best for all concerned.
When my niece was born in 1966 my brother and his wife were advised to place her in permanent custodial care with the State. The experts agreed doing so would be best for all concerned. Fortunately, her parents rejected the advice and took her home. Indeed, the first few years of her life were rough, consisting of surgeries, evaluations and lots of uncertainties. But she was a fighter and she came here with a purpose, on a mission and always attached to God.
Who knew what a blessing and gift she would be to our family? The lives she has inspired, the lives she has changed and the lives she has saved. Who knew? How could anyone in 1966 know what the future of our family would be or the role she would eventually play?
Admittedly, growing up listening to someone in constant and audible conversation with God, really makes an impression on you. Even more so when it appears she stops talking long enough to listen to an answer. Hmmmm. She has had a profound influence on my life as well as the lives of my children.
She was supposed to be a burden on everyone associated with her care. Supposedly she would never really contribute to or connect with the family. It would be better for all concerned if she weren’t here. What audacity!
Not only did God have a plan for her, he has given her the physical health and strength to carry out that plan. Perhaps God knew she would provide years of companionship for her Grandmother living alone as a widow. Perhaps God knew her challenges would teach many of us patience, tolerance and acceptance of others. Perhaps only God truly knew what was actually best for all concerned.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Hard Act To Follow
When I fall short of living an exemplary life for my daughters, I have no one to blame as I was provided the perfect role model to emulate, my Mother.
She is the living embodiment of all that is good and pure. She sets the standard as to what it means to be a virtuous wife, mother and friend. Although physically petite and somewhat frail she possesses great strength and stamina. She has always placed God, family and home first in her life, and in that order. She is the only truly selfless person I have ever encountered.
One would think after having been raised by such a woman I could have picked up at least some of her characteristics. Seems like the simple Theory of Proximity would have come into play at some point in time. Not only did I manage to avoid “catching” her strongest traits, I actually perfected many she doesn’t even possess.
My Mother could stand on her feet 12 hours a day, checking groceries, come home, cook dinner while simultaneously calling out spelling words to whomever, put the entire family down for the night and then pull out the Singer, where she might sit until the wee hours of the morning sewing. Might be an Easter Dress, Carnival Costume or patching Daddy’s khakis. I have fallen asleep many nights to the hum of that sewing machine only to awake the next morning to find my Mother, up, dressed, making breakfast with no sign of the Singer in sight.
I only mention this as I can’t recall one instance in my entire life of my Mother ever complaining. She never took naps and by all accounts appeared healthy, rested and unshaken. The pressures of life never seemed to get to her. I have to admit, in the past, I’ve been known to crumble on the kitchen floor in tears just reading the PTA notice requesting I bring cookies to Open House.
My mom offered the Singer to me when my kids were younger and I passed. Rather, I chose to hot glue their Girl Scout patches directly onto their sashes, which initially worked, sort of.
My Mother never said an unkind word to or about my Dad. Even when it was readily apparent to total strangers he was being a horse’s ass. Albeit a lovable ass. I lived with my parents for 18 straight years and never witnessed an argument. Never. I know they argued – I just don’t know where or when. It wasn’t like they could have walked over to the west wing of the house for private conversation.
Again, I clearly took a different approach with my children. I considered myself more straight-forward and open about sharing disagreements. As I look back, I wonder if my girls realized what a “treat” they were witnessing. Perhaps I should have followed my Mother’s lead.
My Mother never smoked, drank, cursed or gossiped. But the cool part was she never commented on those that did. Material items mean nothing to my Mother. Her wedding ring and a watch my Dad bought her in 1970 are the only pieces of jewelry she wears or cares anything about.
So let’s recap here. My mother is loving, kind, caring, selfless, non-judgmental, hard working and devoted to God and Family. Whew! I hope my daughters appreciate the sacrifice I made by not leaving them such an act to follow.
She is the living embodiment of all that is good and pure. She sets the standard as to what it means to be a virtuous wife, mother and friend. Although physically petite and somewhat frail she possesses great strength and stamina. She has always placed God, family and home first in her life, and in that order. She is the only truly selfless person I have ever encountered.
One would think after having been raised by such a woman I could have picked up at least some of her characteristics. Seems like the simple Theory of Proximity would have come into play at some point in time. Not only did I manage to avoid “catching” her strongest traits, I actually perfected many she doesn’t even possess.
My Mother could stand on her feet 12 hours a day, checking groceries, come home, cook dinner while simultaneously calling out spelling words to whomever, put the entire family down for the night and then pull out the Singer, where she might sit until the wee hours of the morning sewing. Might be an Easter Dress, Carnival Costume or patching Daddy’s khakis. I have fallen asleep many nights to the hum of that sewing machine only to awake the next morning to find my Mother, up, dressed, making breakfast with no sign of the Singer in sight.
I only mention this as I can’t recall one instance in my entire life of my Mother ever complaining. She never took naps and by all accounts appeared healthy, rested and unshaken. The pressures of life never seemed to get to her. I have to admit, in the past, I’ve been known to crumble on the kitchen floor in tears just reading the PTA notice requesting I bring cookies to Open House.
My mom offered the Singer to me when my kids were younger and I passed. Rather, I chose to hot glue their Girl Scout patches directly onto their sashes, which initially worked, sort of.
My Mother never said an unkind word to or about my Dad. Even when it was readily apparent to total strangers he was being a horse’s ass. Albeit a lovable ass. I lived with my parents for 18 straight years and never witnessed an argument. Never. I know they argued – I just don’t know where or when. It wasn’t like they could have walked over to the west wing of the house for private conversation.
Again, I clearly took a different approach with my children. I considered myself more straight-forward and open about sharing disagreements. As I look back, I wonder if my girls realized what a “treat” they were witnessing. Perhaps I should have followed my Mother’s lead.
My Mother never smoked, drank, cursed or gossiped. But the cool part was she never commented on those that did. Material items mean nothing to my Mother. Her wedding ring and a watch my Dad bought her in 1970 are the only pieces of jewelry she wears or cares anything about.
So let’s recap here. My mother is loving, kind, caring, selfless, non-judgmental, hard working and devoted to God and Family. Whew! I hope my daughters appreciate the sacrifice I made by not leaving them such an act to follow.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Blessings
“For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will the more.” Luke 12:48
I think about this scripture constantly. In fact, a day doesn’t pass that I don’t recite and ponder it. Maybe I think, if I repeat the words over and over, some how I will be able to fully grasp the meaning. So far, no luck.
Abundances and blessings actually frighten me. I worry about the responsibility that accompanies their possession. I recognize blessings as gifts, free, no charge, just provided through grace. The scary part is knowing along with the gift is an expectation.
In my younger years I reasoned I had been blessed monetarily, therefore, all I needed to do was contribute monetarily back to society. Easy! Just hand me my checkbook! It’s a done deal. Evidently, I must be growing in wisdom as I recognize what is “required” is not that simple.
I work along side my closest family members. (Another blessing) Together we face daily situations that require ethical decisions. Decisions that impact the lives of our 77 employees, their families, thousands of insured’s and their families. We certainly are not operating in a vacuum. But how do we know we are making the right decisions? What if we aren’t? What happens to those people? This responsibility goes way past providing food, shelter, clothing and an education to your own offspring.
“to whom much is given, shall much be required…” What exactly is required? How have I used my blessings? What have I done to improve life on earth? What difference have I made to mankind, the planet, or more importantly, to the glorification of God?
This entry has no conclusion. I really wish it did.
I think about this scripture constantly. In fact, a day doesn’t pass that I don’t recite and ponder it. Maybe I think, if I repeat the words over and over, some how I will be able to fully grasp the meaning. So far, no luck.
Abundances and blessings actually frighten me. I worry about the responsibility that accompanies their possession. I recognize blessings as gifts, free, no charge, just provided through grace. The scary part is knowing along with the gift is an expectation.
In my younger years I reasoned I had been blessed monetarily, therefore, all I needed to do was contribute monetarily back to society. Easy! Just hand me my checkbook! It’s a done deal. Evidently, I must be growing in wisdom as I recognize what is “required” is not that simple.
I work along side my closest family members. (Another blessing) Together we face daily situations that require ethical decisions. Decisions that impact the lives of our 77 employees, their families, thousands of insured’s and their families. We certainly are not operating in a vacuum. But how do we know we are making the right decisions? What if we aren’t? What happens to those people? This responsibility goes way past providing food, shelter, clothing and an education to your own offspring.
“to whom much is given, shall much be required…” What exactly is required? How have I used my blessings? What have I done to improve life on earth? What difference have I made to mankind, the planet, or more importantly, to the glorification of God?
This entry has no conclusion. I really wish it did.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Unsolicited Email
I am always amused at some of the “forwarded” email I receive. Most of it is deleted without being opened. I usually don’t get offended by the content, considering I doubt most people put much thought into what it is they are actually forwarding. However, lately I have become somewhat annoyed by much of the “pass around” propaganda.
For the record, in the event anyone was wondering, I am against the death penalty, I want hand guns outlawed, I was never in favor of attacking Iraq, I fear stem cell research, I revere the Pope as the head of the Catholic Church, I am not in awe of George Bush, I am neither a true Republican or Democrat, I don’t believe anyone “decided” to be gay and I believe life begins at the moment of conception.
Therefore, if you have an email you are considering forwarding to half the free world and it makes fun of Catholics or praises brave citizens for shooting trespassers, just delete my name. Even if it is a neat email with the flag in the back ground.
Common sense should tell you it is necessary to really know the intended recipient prior to sending some email. Evidently, I am either not known very well or I don’t live a life representative of my beliefs. In either instance, I apologize.
Whew! Glad I got that off my chest!
For the record, in the event anyone was wondering, I am against the death penalty, I want hand guns outlawed, I was never in favor of attacking Iraq, I fear stem cell research, I revere the Pope as the head of the Catholic Church, I am not in awe of George Bush, I am neither a true Republican or Democrat, I don’t believe anyone “decided” to be gay and I believe life begins at the moment of conception.
Therefore, if you have an email you are considering forwarding to half the free world and it makes fun of Catholics or praises brave citizens for shooting trespassers, just delete my name. Even if it is a neat email with the flag in the back ground.
Common sense should tell you it is necessary to really know the intended recipient prior to sending some email. Evidently, I am either not known very well or I don’t live a life representative of my beliefs. In either instance, I apologize.
Whew! Glad I got that off my chest!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Sinatra
Last Friday night I took my niece, nephew, mom, daughter, brother and sister-in-law out to eat dinner in Tyler, Texas. An outing of this nature, involving 7 family members always has the potential of turning into a full blown fiasco. Just determining who will ride in which car can cause an argument and it did. Then deciding which of the four country roads to take requires the services of a mediator. At some point, there’s always someone who threatens to “just not go”. Once the caravan finally begins, the passengers of one car criticize the abilities of the driver in the other car. It’s harmless griping as we come from a long line of complainers. There is little wonder why almost immediately upon arrival; someone usually requests a wine list even before we are seated.
Once we were all settled in and decided who was sitting next to the window, etc., ordered an appetizer and made a toast, attitudes improved significantly. We all had a couple glasses of wine along with an incredible meal. We laughed, we gossiped, we talked about the past, the future, we made fun of each other, we made fun of complete strangers and generally enjoyed ourselves fully.
When we returned to the lake, Mom came over to the new house. My sister had just made it in from Dallas. I poured everyone a glass of wine and put on some Frank Sinatra. I watched as my mom tapped her feet to the beat of the music and seemingly drifted away from our conversation. When Frank sang, “All of Me” she listened intently and was in deep concentration. She said, “Music then, was sensual, not dirty. It’s supposed to be sensual.” With that, she took hold of her cane, stood up, walked over to a framed picture of her and my dad taken in 1939, stared, smiled and left.
So once again, what began as a potential family fiasco ended in a touching moment to be savored forever.
Once we were all settled in and decided who was sitting next to the window, etc., ordered an appetizer and made a toast, attitudes improved significantly. We all had a couple glasses of wine along with an incredible meal. We laughed, we gossiped, we talked about the past, the future, we made fun of each other, we made fun of complete strangers and generally enjoyed ourselves fully.
When we returned to the lake, Mom came over to the new house. My sister had just made it in from Dallas. I poured everyone a glass of wine and put on some Frank Sinatra. I watched as my mom tapped her feet to the beat of the music and seemingly drifted away from our conversation. When Frank sang, “All of Me” she listened intently and was in deep concentration. She said, “Music then, was sensual, not dirty. It’s supposed to be sensual.” With that, she took hold of her cane, stood up, walked over to a framed picture of her and my dad taken in 1939, stared, smiled and left.
So once again, what began as a potential family fiasco ended in a touching moment to be savored forever.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
My Brother
My Brother
My brother is 13 years my senior. He left for college when I was 4 and married his high school sweetheart when I was 8. Needless to say, we never “hung out”. Quite the contrary, he held almost a rock star status among our family. One of those individuals who drift in and out of your life, always making and leaving an impression. Collectively we anxiously anticipated his arrivals and dreaded his departures from home. Being the eldest child and only son, secured his lifetime position as being everyone’s favorite. Gender was not the only thing that made him different. My brother has always been somewhat private, mild-natured and quiet. These are not qualities shared by the majority of our family. No indeed, we are a great many things, but quiet and mild-natured aren’t even among the top 600 family characteristics.
My brother married, began a family and moved out of state all in what seemed a blink of the eye. I was in my 20’s before I began developing a real relationship with him. Over the past 30 years I’ve come to know him as a brother and friend, not so much a celebrity.
He is a remarkable man. One who has endured a great deal of personal pain and misfortune over the span of his life. He has faced many obstacles which would have ruined the spirit of a lesser man. Regardless of the circumstances or cards dealt, he has never faltered, never indulged in self pity, never stopped moving forward and never compromised his integrity. In fact, his compassion for others seems to have flourished with every adverse situation encountered. He sets the standard for unconditional love within our family. He is my personal hero.
My brother will be 64 in just a couple of months. I know angels walk among us and some hang around longer than others. It seems once again, I will dread his departure.
My brother is 13 years my senior. He left for college when I was 4 and married his high school sweetheart when I was 8. Needless to say, we never “hung out”. Quite the contrary, he held almost a rock star status among our family. One of those individuals who drift in and out of your life, always making and leaving an impression. Collectively we anxiously anticipated his arrivals and dreaded his departures from home. Being the eldest child and only son, secured his lifetime position as being everyone’s favorite. Gender was not the only thing that made him different. My brother has always been somewhat private, mild-natured and quiet. These are not qualities shared by the majority of our family. No indeed, we are a great many things, but quiet and mild-natured aren’t even among the top 600 family characteristics.
My brother married, began a family and moved out of state all in what seemed a blink of the eye. I was in my 20’s before I began developing a real relationship with him. Over the past 30 years I’ve come to know him as a brother and friend, not so much a celebrity.
He is a remarkable man. One who has endured a great deal of personal pain and misfortune over the span of his life. He has faced many obstacles which would have ruined the spirit of a lesser man. Regardless of the circumstances or cards dealt, he has never faltered, never indulged in self pity, never stopped moving forward and never compromised his integrity. In fact, his compassion for others seems to have flourished with every adverse situation encountered. He sets the standard for unconditional love within our family. He is my personal hero.
My brother will be 64 in just a couple of months. I know angels walk among us and some hang around longer than others. It seems once again, I will dread his departure.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Family
I always believed most families were structured and operated similar to mine. As a child, I had no reason to assume otherwise as I was totally immersed in the business of being a member of the “family”. Not until I reached adulthood did I realize there was a very real possibility our family was not normal. Even so, I love being a part of a very large, extended group of dysfunctional individuals bound by blood or in the case of the less fortunate, by marriage.
There is a hierarchy within the family as well as specific job descriptions. There are those in charge of certain matters and as they pass, someone else takes over their position. Members are forced out of some positions and into more difficult ones often based solely on their age.
Although we do not have a licensed physician, attorney, psychologist, minister and/or certified accountant among the entire group, we have individuals willing to fill those positions. In fact, some of the more gifted fill more than one.
We are a demonstrative bunch, a passionate group. A group of well over 100 people whom stay in constant contact. Membership is often exhausting. Those my age were raised knowing that Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, July 4th, Memorial Day, Labor Day, along with almost each and every weekend were reserved exclusively for family. Whether it be a simple meal shared on Sunday during the Cowboy game or an entire weekend at the lake, no one’s plans superseded the gathering of the extended family.
Throughout the history of our family, in-laws have had to learn to cope with these simple rules, some willingly and others, not so much. Many people (perhaps even some in-laws) might find our family a tad bit overbearing.
But it is the collection of these characteristics that makes our family unique. I don’t think I would want it any other way. It is the kindred spirit of the family that allows us to give and receive from each other without limitations.
Blog Test
Dear Reader,
I am simply running a test to see if I have indeed set up a blog or simply just wasted another half hour of my life.
I am simply running a test to see if I have indeed set up a blog or simply just wasted another half hour of my life.
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